Grow up once again! β Happy 2010
“I apologize for the delay between the last post and this one”.. Incidentally it is the most common starting phrase used in blogs these days.. The sentence verbatim or its variant is found in over 74% of the blogposts.. And more than 60% of the statistics including this one, are all fudged up π If I start apologizing for the delay in the blog posts, I guess I would only be writing “Sorry Posts!!!” :) So, I will probably not start off my post like that! π
Well, the year 2009 is about to end.. It is probably that time of the year when you look back at how the year went.. Enjoy thinking about the good moments.. Form a few new year resolutions, which you know for sure wont last more than a couple of weeks.. but why not just give it a try!!! π
Its true that 2009 is going to end in a few hours! Its true that I have been reflecting how the year was.. But I just realized that this could be my last “calender year end” in School. I am just beginning to get a sinking feeling.. that the finishing line of my student life is in the vicinity..
I am not one of those guys who topped from LKG to Phd. I was an average student during my early days. I am sure my cousin would agree that I had failed in one of the class tests, but the teacher had forgotten to underline in red π I scored some 70 odd percent in my 7th std exams, when my cousins were competing with each other at 94+ percentage range. If I was a stock in the capital markets, the only way it was heading was down π I am sure, not one soul (including myself) would have banged their bucks on me π Probably my grand father was an exception. They say bad things happen! Sometimes good things also happen! I dont know how, I am sure somebody managed to convince my hindi teacher not to commit suicide. Reason is simple.. I topped my school 10th std.. Worse still, I topped the school in hindi of all subjects! π From there I went to REC Trichy, then Google and now here at IIMB.
I was brought up in an environment where I was told “Work hard! Study well & You will succeed in life!” I am a Josephite! I was preached “Fide et Labore” – Faith & Toil are the secret of success! I have sweared by it all my life and even now I buy into it completely. I would say they played a big role in helping me become a gold medalist in Trichy and for securing the Dewang Mehta Award for the Best Student in Management. As a side note, IIM Bangalore teaches you to glorify your achievements in such a way that you can convince yourself and the rest of the world that you are god’s gift to man kind. So, take the previous statement with a pinch of salt! Coming back to the point. Born and brought up in a typical upper middle class tambram family, where Grade points and the percentages count more than anything else, I have lived a life of a typical first bencher with thick specs leading a non-exciting life. (To be honest, I am neither a first bencher nor do I wear thick spectacles.. But I am sure thats what will come to your mind if they hear words like Geek or Nerd) I agree that these characteristics has taken me places both physically and figuratively! But somewhere deep within, my heart says.. Give me another chance.. I wanna grow up once again!
Its not that I want to change my past completely. Also I am not talking about rewriting my operations paper where I got an amazing C grade.. I am very happy with my life. I wouldnt be writing this if I wasnt assured with myself. But what I am talking about are those things where I put in “a bit too much”. For example, I was doing a lot of programming in REC Trichy! I have no problems with that! I enjoyed programming. But there was a 4 day weekend and all my bangalore friends in Trichy (called the Kandus) went to Kanya Kumari. If I remember correctly, I was learning Java, which I never used in my life after that.
I had a lot of good friends! Really good friends! But I just realized that I was never really a part of a gang of friends! Like the Kandus or The Bongs or the Tams or the A tops or the G tops etc etc.. You know what I mean.. When you go out with a group of friends to a restaurant.. I am talking about the difference between booking a table for 2, 3 or 4 vs booking a table for 10 or 15. I would say I have been a part of big gangs dinners about 5 times in my past 10 years! And I enjoyed every moment of that and I cherish those! Not that I dislike the smaller groups.. Just be a part of a big group once to realize what you have missed in your college days!!
During my early days I dreaded Holi! I always felt that it spoilt my dresses! But by the time I passed out I wanted play holi and be a part of the fun! But people built such a “nice guy” impression about me that they didnt want to play with me! Just think about this.. I was walking in front of Octagon in NIT Trichy and they pour buckets of coloured water on the guy in front of me and.. they just keep a dot on my forehead! I wasnt feeling happy! I was praying that the guy would pour the colours on me!
In NIT Trichy, we had movie screening every weekend. I havent even seen a single movie there and I was proud about it! I have watched movies in hostel rooms.. loads of them.. But I have watched only a handful of movies with the dorm room packed with junta. I have been a part of lots & lots of small groups… But have hardly been a part of a big group, like the kandus gang.. watch friends, discuss gossips, porn, affairs etc etc. dont know what not..
In section A trip during my first year at IIMB, all the tams got together and we were singing songs like “New York Nagaram” etc… We do that even now in L block first floor. These are amazing moments to cherish in my student life.. I wish I had many such moments.. Give me another chance..
I always wanted to do something on stage and address the audience.. Well I did.. I did teach in seminars & courses.. I loved those.. But I didnt sing or dance on stage π The last time I sang in front of an audience was 10 years back.. “Kasu Mela Kasu Vandhu” with Kumara Ganesh in 10th Std. What a hit it was! You know.. its a special feeling when you practise for these stage events together as a group.. Work real hard.. and celebrate with “hi-fi”s and hugs after finishing it off in style.. Closest in the recent past I can think of was the play I acted in the first year @ IIMB by name “Sure thing”. I will miss these for sure.. Give me another chance, I will learn music & dance.. perhaps theatre…
What is talking about school days without talking about girls.. I had countless number of crushes.. Most of those thoughts got crushed in my heart.. I managed to express a few.. not to the girl.. but to some of my friends.. Against all odds, I had a girlfriend.. and not very long ago, I lost her too.. I hated to admit to the world that I had a girlfriend.. I hated to admit when I realized that I lost her. Give me another chance.. I wanna boldly express my feelings.. caring more for the girl and a little less for the world around! Give me another chance.. I wanna express myself…
May be I could have gotten away by adjusting my priorities a bit.. Just A LITTLE BIT.. For example, during my ten week internship at IIT Madras, I could have gone for the beach ONCE not twice.. JUST ONCE.. May be.. I could have coded a bit less on the rare occasion when it rained in Trichy.. and jumped in the rain… I could have taken that trade off.. May be.. I could have a seen ONE MOVIE in theater in the whole of my undergrad days.. I am compensating that by going one every week in the past 5 weeks.. May be.. I could have gone home a bit more often during my IIMB days and made my parents happy.. May be.. I could have watched cricket match cheering every single ball with a crowd.. and when the batsmen get out or when the bowler gets belted away.. scold him loudly.. not with words like LOSER… but with words like SUCKER.. May be I could have attended the hostel block party.. instead of studying Managing Organizations in which I got a C grade anyways… May be I could have done with a bit more “Vella” sessions or “Bakkar” sessions with junta.. just talking utter non-sense.. When my friends mocked.. I could have done away by uttering.. “What the FUCK” instead of “What the HECK”.. Dont know when was the last time I uttered these gaalis..
I didnt grow up the same way as what most of the guys would have.. But I have had my own fun.. I have done things which others havent.. But having said that.. I could have some of these things different.. Give me another chance… I wanna grow up once again..
I have spoken to a number of people.. through CWS or other wise.. All of us have aspirations.. Things which we wish we could have done better in the past.. Here is a new year dawning at all of us.. Here is another chance to grow up once again.. I wish Coffee With Sundar Readers a very happy new year – 2010!!! Grow up once again!